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That's So Hot

I started my blog stroll a little late today (work got it the way), but I was still delighted to see a new designer featured on my fav fashion blog, http://www.fashionbombdaily.com/. Herds of the Fathers is a hot leather goods line geared toward the urban gentleman, but I think it's pretty hot for my lifestyle. See pics from their Web site below. The title of this post will take you there, if you click on it.

Note to Nice Guys

It’s hard being a “nice” person period. People will try you every day. But being “nice” isn’t your problem in regard to women. You need to be more assertive. Point. Blank. Period. Assertive in a way that is straightforward and masculine (i.e. confident), you can’t be afraid of rejection.

I know guys who are loud and obnoxious, but who are afraid of rejection and come off as insecure and weak almost. This guy is often a he-man woman hater; he really wants somebody, but he is afraid of getting his heart broken so he uses personality as a repellent. This dude is really a nice guy at heart and usually the most romantic. His opposite in personality is the nice, nice guy; the shy one, who often gets walked all over (not on purpose always). Women like a guy who is handy around the house and in the yard and this guy is good company, but we’re unsure of his intentions. He’d make a great boyfriend, but does he like ME or is he just being nice? Ladies like to feel safe and the relationship with this guy is ambiguous and no one feels safe in ambiguity. So you’ll be the back-up.

Where am I going with this? Tell me what you want from me! Tell me literally or with your actions sometimes both are necessary. Chase me. Be a man about it. Don’t ask for my number and wait for me to call you. Don’t ask me for my number and start meaningless text conversation (i.e. Hey, What a r doing?) Pick up the phone and make it plain. Don’t ask me out and wait for me to make the plans and please don’t keep score. I called you, now call me, I asked, you plan, I, you, I, you. This ain’t a game.

When I meet a guy like this I think, “This nuggets ain’t serious, games all games” so my guard is up and my effort is minimal (If you just chillin, cool). In essence I’m taking your lead. It’s your move. Be aggressive. You may get rejected, but you have to first take the chance. We’re all “nice” girls looking for a “nice” guy.

Ya Killin Me

I discovered http://blackfashion.tumblr.com/ a minute ago (from a blog stroll perhaps) and I luv it. This pic of Alek Wek is killin me. She killed it, Haute and Hawt. Click the title for some bruthas and sistas with crazy swag.

Real Talk

"They say it is a sad thing to not have friends.

But it is sadder still to not have enemies.

Because he who has no enemies,

It is a sign that he has,

Neither talent that overshadows,

Nor blessings that others may covet,

Nor character that impresses,

Nor valor that is feared,

Nor honor that can be murmured about,

Nor any good thing that could be envied.”

José Martí (1853-1895)

You, a B*tch?

Truth be told I have my issues with the B –word, but I have to be honest it doesn’t bother me or should I say cause an explosion in me like the N-word. The B-word essentially has two main meanings bad and bad, but not necessarily bad. Understand? Nope. When I use it, I usually mean this person is a scum bag, low down dirty, classless mofo (male or female) or this is a person that can get the job done her way and not tip-toe or apologize for being confident and honest about the way she wants it done. The latter definition comes from the media vilifying a strong woman who may or may not be a little catty. Both definitions are derogatory but it is what it is.

Some women aspire to be a bitch, the baddest b*tch even, which takes on a different meaning, but some aspire to be Omarosa or Anna Wintour which is fine IF you have what it takes and you are willing to take the consequences. Omarosa and Anna are very successful and fun to watch so I admit I understand the allure of being a known B-Word; it’s a persona that gets you attention and sometimes accolades. Omarosa and Anna have reps for being nasty, but I’m sure you can be called a B for just being unapologetic for doing things your way and demanding the best from the people around you. Oprah and Michelle O were probably labeled B’s at some point or ABW’s, you know that’s synonymous for a B.

Being called a B isn’t necessarily a bad thing. How does the saying go, “Woe is he who has no friends, but even worse is he who has no enemies”? I butchered that, I know, but you get the point. It does matter the context in which you were called one though.
So can you be a good b*tch or a bad b*tch (not bad like “oh she bad,” but like bad as is poor quality)? Yes. Mos def. In order to be a good B you have to know the basics starting with number one;

1. “To thy own self be true.” You can’t fake the funk with this persona you have to go balls out cause the attacks will come from everyone, everywhere and if you aren’t prepared you will be eaten alive.

2. Know your stuff. Be good at what you do. If you wanna be a stylist, know your designers, fabrics, seasons, etc. If you are in politics know your opponent, the issues, the facts and the numbers. A b*tch needs to be able to lay down a verbal smack down. You don’t wanna be embarrassed by some novice or someone trying to take your spot.

3. C.Y.O.B (Cover Your Own Butt). Anyone in the work world should do this, but it is especially important to aspiring divas (a nicer tone for the b-word) because sabotage and lies will be common occurrences. Always leave a paper trail e-mails, confirmations numbers, receipts and always follow-up. Let them KNOW you mean BUSINESS. People don’t always treat your projects the way you do so you have to make sure they hold up their end of the bargain. Besides written evidence adds to your upper hand when conflicts arise it won’t be he say she say. It also isn’t a bad idea to log your calls too. Never ever lie, it makes you look straight STOOPID and a b*tch should never were the poo poo face.

4. Treat everyone the same. Be consistent. You can’t try to treat some people like poo and then turn around a smile in some else’s face. Someone is always watching you. (Remember Making the Band 2? Sing. “You are being watched, you are being watched.”) A fake b*tch is automatically a bad one. Plus, you never know what a person can do for you? Sucks to put it that way, but hey.

5. Have a code. Have some integrity. No one wants to be associated with a liar, a cheat or a thief, no one. Plus, you can’t possibly be a happy liar.
If you have the basics covered and you are starting to get some shine (i.e. your boss/client/captain publicly gives you kudos, you won, you get the feature, you meet your own goals, etc.) Then you can consider yourself a BAD B*TCH in a good way. A winning personality is secondary though it wouldn’t hurt.

Needless to say, I can get along with anyone including a b*tch. Hell I might even be one. (According to a few losers, I am, but everyone should have haters, right?) What I can’t stand is a bad b*tch (i.e. a loser, second rate diva, a slug arse mofo). You know the kind too busy trying to make you look bad to do any self improvement, the one with the nasty comments and catty remarks for no good reason, she is one of those “you must decrease so I can increase” cats, the kind who believes there is not enough success or happiness to go around, the kind who will cheat, lie and sabotage. She wants to be the best but lacks skill so her only option to get rid of you. YOU make HER look bad. She is no good and adds no value; at work she may be a “show pony.” She may have the ego, but nothing to back it up; she lacks the basics. No weapon, but a loud and/or foul mouth sometimes she just looks good. Pointed questions are her weakness “Did you get confirmation? When? Show me the receipts!”

Though the word b*tch has no color once you add one it adds a special connotation. That said I can’t stand a low level b*tch period (sometimes they’re called basic though the lack the “basics”), and I will cop to saying “There is nothing worse than a black bitch!” Yes I said it. I absolutely loathe a black bitch. Because they hurt you (well me as a black woman) the most. If there is anyone on this planet who can understand my plight; it should be you, sista. And you stab me (in front of these white people!)?!?! You cut me, you cut me deep.

So let me finish this by saying, I would never refer to you, myself or anyone I loved as a bitch (under normal circumstances). However, I do understand that it is a word good or bad that I’ll have to deal with at some point. Because though we can try to avoid negativity and negative people, it’s a part of life. I’m sure I’ll be a “bitch” to somebody, someday. When that day comes “You must admit. I got every reason to feel like I'm "THAT BITCH". Ego so strong, if you ain't know. I don't need no beat, I can sing it with piano.” ~ Beyonce

On Repeat

Luv'in this song.