Tuesday, July 6, 2010

You, a B*tch?

Truth be told I have my issues with the B –word, but I have to be honest it doesn’t bother me or should I say cause an explosion in me like the N-word. The B-word essentially has two main meanings bad and bad, but not necessarily bad. Understand? Nope. When I use it, I usually mean this person is a scum bag, low down dirty, classless mofo (male or female) or this is a person that can get the job done her way and not tip-toe or apologize for being confident and honest about the way she wants it done. The latter definition comes from the media vilifying a strong woman who may or may not be a little catty. Both definitions are derogatory but it is what it is.

Some women aspire to be a bitch, the baddest b*tch even, which takes on a different meaning, but some aspire to be Omarosa or Anna Wintour which is fine IF you have what it takes and you are willing to take the consequences. Omarosa and Anna are very successful and fun to watch so I admit I understand the allure of being a known B-Word; it’s a persona that gets you attention and sometimes accolades. Omarosa and Anna have reps for being nasty, but I’m sure you can be called a B for just being unapologetic for doing things your way and demanding the best from the people around you. Oprah and Michelle O were probably labeled B’s at some point or ABW’s, you know that’s synonymous for a B.

Being called a B isn’t necessarily a bad thing. How does the saying go, “Woe is he who has no friends, but even worse is he who has no enemies”? I butchered that, I know, but you get the point. It does matter the context in which you were called one though.
So can you be a good b*tch or a bad b*tch (not bad like “oh she bad,” but like bad as is poor quality)? Yes. Mos def. In order to be a good B you have to know the basics starting with number one;

1. “To thy own self be true.” You can’t fake the funk with this persona you have to go balls out cause the attacks will come from everyone, everywhere and if you aren’t prepared you will be eaten alive.

2. Know your stuff. Be good at what you do. If you wanna be a stylist, know your designers, fabrics, seasons, etc. If you are in politics know your opponent, the issues, the facts and the numbers. A b*tch needs to be able to lay down a verbal smack down. You don’t wanna be embarrassed by some novice or someone trying to take your spot.

3. C.Y.O.B (Cover Your Own Butt). Anyone in the work world should do this, but it is especially important to aspiring divas (a nicer tone for the b-word) because sabotage and lies will be common occurrences. Always leave a paper trail e-mails, confirmations numbers, receipts and always follow-up. Let them KNOW you mean BUSINESS. People don’t always treat your projects the way you do so you have to make sure they hold up their end of the bargain. Besides written evidence adds to your upper hand when conflicts arise it won’t be he say she say. It also isn’t a bad idea to log your calls too. Never ever lie, it makes you look straight STOOPID and a b*tch should never were the poo poo face.

4. Treat everyone the same. Be consistent. You can’t try to treat some people like poo and then turn around a smile in some else’s face. Someone is always watching you. (Remember Making the Band 2? Sing. “You are being watched, you are being watched.”) A fake b*tch is automatically a bad one. Plus, you never know what a person can do for you? Sucks to put it that way, but hey.

5. Have a code. Have some integrity. No one wants to be associated with a liar, a cheat or a thief, no one. Plus, you can’t possibly be a happy liar.
If you have the basics covered and you are starting to get some shine (i.e. your boss/client/captain publicly gives you kudos, you won, you get the feature, you meet your own goals, etc.) Then you can consider yourself a BAD B*TCH in a good way. A winning personality is secondary though it wouldn’t hurt.

Needless to say, I can get along with anyone including a b*tch. Hell I might even be one. (According to a few losers, I am, but everyone should have haters, right?) What I can’t stand is a bad b*tch (i.e. a loser, second rate diva, a slug arse mofo). You know the kind too busy trying to make you look bad to do any self improvement, the one with the nasty comments and catty remarks for no good reason, she is one of those “you must decrease so I can increase” cats, the kind who believes there is not enough success or happiness to go around, the kind who will cheat, lie and sabotage. She wants to be the best but lacks skill so her only option to get rid of you. YOU make HER look bad. She is no good and adds no value; at work she may be a “show pony.” She may have the ego, but nothing to back it up; she lacks the basics. No weapon, but a loud and/or foul mouth sometimes she just looks good. Pointed questions are her weakness “Did you get confirmation? When? Show me the receipts!”

Though the word b*tch has no color once you add one it adds a special connotation. That said I can’t stand a low level b*tch period (sometimes they’re called basic though the lack the “basics”), and I will cop to saying “There is nothing worse than a black bitch!” Yes I said it. I absolutely loathe a black bitch. Because they hurt you (well me as a black woman) the most. If there is anyone on this planet who can understand my plight; it should be you, sista. And you stab me (in front of these white people!)?!?! You cut me, you cut me deep.

So let me finish this by saying, I would never refer to you, myself or anyone I loved as a bitch (under normal circumstances). However, I do understand that it is a word good or bad that I’ll have to deal with at some point. Because though we can try to avoid negativity and negative people, it’s a part of life. I’m sure I’ll be a “bitch” to somebody, someday. When that day comes “You must admit. I got every reason to feel like I'm "THAT BITCH". Ego so strong, if you ain't know. I don't need no beat, I can sing it with piano.” ~ Beyonce