Tuesday, December 14, 2010

ARe you KiDDing, Me?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

LearnVe$T...Your Finances...Uncomplicated


A Facebook Friend and real-life buddy posted this link on her page and it is awesome. The web site is visually appealing and the content is great. I'm not a financial buff, but I know a thing or two and this site makes it easy to get a real snap shot of wear you are financially. BTW, I think I'll start the Boot camp program for January. :) Click the title to view the Web site.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

So you wanna reply?


I hate e-mails like really, I do, but can’t live without them so below I’ve composed a list of Do’s and Don’ts IF you want a reply from me.
1. Do include a salutation. Not greeting someone is just rude, now if this is second or third e-mail in one day no greeting is necessary, but whenever you make initial contact especially early in the morning, say hello.

2. Don’t e-mail me at 8:30 a.m. and expect a reply by 8:35 a.m. I don’t even get to work until 9:15 ish. Besides e-mail isn’t AIM, how pompous of you to believe I’m sitting at my desk waiting for instructions from you? Oh and if you call me and/or come to my office asking did I get your e-mail, it’s a wrap. You may as well be talking to a brick.

3. Do be concise. Tell me what you want from me in the first two sentences. You can leave more gibberish, eh detail in the rest of the e-mail. Long ass e-mails get placed in the follow-up folder.

4. Don’t copy my boss, your boss, the assistant and yo momma. I absolutely hate when someone “drops the ball” then in an effort to cover her ass sends an e-mail stating she’s been “trying to contact me” or “someone just gave her the project” yadda, yadda, yadda. You called 10 minutes ago and sent an e-mail 7 minutes ago, I’m on lunch break. FYI my first job was in banking so I live by CYOB (Cover Your Own Butt). I log when I called you, keep all e-mails and I always follow-up.

5. Don’t call me anything other than the name on my business card, Candace, not Candi, Candyhead or Kiddo.

6. Don't send one word e-mails. Just end with, Thanks. I can't stand an inbox full of "thanks'" and "OKs."

Thanks.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Hey, it's OK...

…to wear the same black pants twice in a week. If your co-worker notices, she ain’t working.

…if you are not a fan of Precious (aka Gabourey Sidibe).

…to not like sports. That’s what his boys are for.

…to wear the same outfit two Mondays in a row. You still look hot, right?

… if you’re not in the Holiday Spirit.

…to stay in on a Friday night. Getting poked in the club is not as much fun as it sounds.

…if you don’t want to give to St. Judes, AmFar, The Salvation Army and the Boys and Girls Club.

…to count marinara sauce a vegetable.


As much as I luv blogs, I heart magazines even more. Glamour is one of my favorites and I look foward to their monthly piece, "Hey it's OK..." I decided to do my own version above.

It Just Keeps Getting Better

I have a confession, I’ve had the same New Year’s Resolutions for over a decade. Only “make the Dean’s List” has turned into "get a new job” and those five pounds never went away. Last year I tried changing my way of thinking, instead of creating a list of items to get a check off my list, I thought 2010 is the year of more, more veggies, more exercising, more money. Well, it’s December again, New Year’s Resolution time and I am determined to have a better success rate in 2011.

Once again the paradigm has shifted. Though I still like the idea of thinking in terms of more, I’m going to try to get better in 2011. Instead of trying to obtain items I don’t have, I’ll just focus on building on the things I do have.

I’m already a great friend and a hard worker so instead of focusing on “networking” why not put more time into building the relationships I do have which may lead to referrals and leads anyway.

I already have a good job, now I’ll just focus on becoming better at it; a better reputation and skill set will lead to a better position.

Instead of trying to a find a new exhilarating hobby, my time off will be spent with that Canon Rebel currently collecting dust in my closet.

I have a good life, but it can always be better.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Just Black

I read a post today on Coco and Crème that reminded me of a post I read on A Belle in Brooklyn a few weeks ago. Both posts address yet another disturbing beauty trend, not being exotic enough. I’m not going to get on my soap box and preach about the souls of black folk being killed slowly by self-hatred and assimilation, I just wanted share.

For the record, I’m just “regular black” and I’d have it no other way.

http://cocoandcreme.com/2010/11/not-exotic-enough-are-black-women-falling-out-of-the-spotlight/

http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/home/2010/9/1/visual-aesthetics.html

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Beautiful. Gorgeous.

He’s Only Interested In One Thing Because She’s Not That Interesting

Jozen from UnitIGetMarried makes me laugh sometimes, but this morning I was cheering from the sidelines yelling “Tell’em why you mad, son! Get’em Get’em.” Click the title to read his original post, He’s Only Interested In One Thing Because She’s Not That Interesting. I took out my favorite quotes below and continued with my co-signing.

“Just like men have to face the fact that they’re not God’s gift just because they don’t put their hands on a woman, women have to understand, what else do they bring to the table? I hear women brag a lot about how they have their stuff together. What the hell does that have to do with what a man wants? Make a man laugh. Make a man think. Make a man speak.”

I’ve always preached about not letting superficial things define you, like a degree, a job, designer labels or in this case your cookie jar. So many people can’t answer the question, “So what do you like to do?” What the hell happened to hobbies? Hanging out with friends and partying is not a hobby. People who are funny are usually smart and perceptive, people who make people think have knowledge and life experiences (i.e. hobbies), people who make people speak usually have something to say.

“Every time a man doesn’t get the woman he wants he wonders, what was he missing. What could he have done to get the girl who turned him down? Then he applies it to the next woman. He’s himself all the while, but he definitely wants to know how he can improve.

Women, on the other hand….man, a lot of you all just think if a man didn’t want you, there was something wrong with him. He just didn’t see how interesting you are.”

Jozen if a man doesn’t want ME, something is wrong with HIM. For those who lack personality this one’s for you. I’m awesome! (kidding, but not really).

“It’s time for women to understand, s*x may be on top of a man’s list of priorities, but it for d*mn sure isn’t the whole list. We have a list of things we want in a woman too. Some of us want a woman who can cook. Some of us want a woman who knows how to look good. Some of us want a woman who hits the gym. But all of us want a woman who is interesting.”

I concur, but that goes for the bruvas too.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tyler Perry, Doesn't Like Black Men Either?


I haven’t seen Tyler Perry’s For Colored Girls and I won’t die if never see it. The reviews have been mixed, but if you’ve seen one Tyler Perry movie you’ve seen ‘me all, right? They all concern a strong, but hurt black woman, abused and down trodden or uber-successful and cold. For Colored Girls adds a dose of male bashing too, so I’ve read. Bravo Tyler! N*ggas is crazy too.

I find that I encounter some “damaged goods” too; brothas who just play all kind of games. “I wait to see if she’s gonna offer to pay on a first date.” If you ask me out, I ain’t paying and I’m not going to pretend to pay either. If the date has two parts I’ll offer on the second like pay for the popcorn or whatever. “I didn’t leave you a message just to see if you were gonna call me back anyway.” If you didn’t leave a message so you obliviously did want anything, right? “You didn’t make me dinner. You just selfish.” Do we have the same last name? If not, I feel obligated to cook for you. “I only mentioned her name to see if you cared about me.” Games all games. Insecure, much?

I think bruva’s (DMV accent) are confused and taken aback when they meet a real grown ass woman without any psychological problems. Gender roles are seriously muddled in the black community and I think it has to do with so many fatherless people who even lack strong male role models. Some of these sistas are straight trippin too sellin coochie to the highest bidder. They just lack self-esteem. We are a people who have lost a sense of pride, self-worth and dignity. We don’t love ourselves so how can WE love EACH OTHER? How did we get to the point where ladies can’t be ladies and gentlemen can’t be gentlemen?

Tyler Perry did a good thing if you exposed the some of the diseases that ail the male black population. I believe they were cheaters, rapists, abusers etc, but in my opinion those are sick, hurt people too. WE all just need ONE big HUG.

Monday, November 15, 2010

10 Things Every Woman Should Own

Star stylist Nicole Chavez listed 10 Things Every Woman Must Own for Instyle magazine a while ago. Click the title to take you to the link. Her picks are listed below as well as my humble opinion.

1. Black blazer or a nice sturdy black cardigan. Cardigans adds a sophistocated vibe, real Michelle O.

2. Red Flats or your signature color. I like red, but I love purple.

3. Striped Shirt or a button down white one or a black cotton turtle neck it depends on your overall "look." Striped says sport classic, but black say chic.

4. Little Black Dress (LBD) AGREED!

5. Opaque tights I live in these during the winter. Plus I don't have to shave my legs. Bonus!

6. Oversize watch I'm feeling the rose gold look.

7. Classic Trench I've got three of 'em.

8. Flared jeans or whatever looks best on you. I live in skinnies, but bootcuts are more classic.

9. Leopard print scarf Animal prints never go out of style. Ever.

10. Statement necklace or earrings or bracelet. I'm an earring person the bigger the better.

My picks are below.

Friday, November 12, 2010

DangerousNegro.com = Dope Site

I learned of this site a while ago, but I decided to revisit it today and WOW. In fashion speak, "I die." I luv the message and the designs. The purple "Goal Digger" t-shirt is perfect for me, but sold-out.



The following have been added to my Christmas Wishlist.





and because I still rocks with Barack...




Rudeness is for Losers

I’ve come to the conclusion that some people just like to fight and argue. It’s their hobby, their story for the day, it’s just who they are. Some people like to be insanely rude for no reason. I find this quite sad. I hear people recant stories with pride about how they had to “go off” on lady who cut in front of them and how they, the baddest b*tch, will tell it like it is and put anyone in his place. But what do they really get out of it? Are these people really “winners” in life? No.

Recently, a homely co-worker sent me an e-mail in regard to a project. Later at the printer she asked me about it. “Did you get my e-mail?” I hate e-mails, but that’s another post. The e-mail was about a project that I wasn’t project manager on, but I knew where to get the information she needed.


“So and so is the project manager, but the information should be on Web site.”


“It’s not on the Web site. Somebody told me you did the project.”


Now she needed the sponsorship information for an awards ceremony I helped with in September. I’m not responsible for the details I just helped with set-up and registration, but I did know that every event program book lists the sponsors, duh. The information was and still is on the Web site too.


I said, “That’s so and so, but,” and she turned on her heels and walked away without a word. I was going to go and get a copy of the program book, but did I? Hells no and now she doesn’t have an ally in me at work. And she didn’t get what she needed. Now I could have just gotten the program book, but as a new employee I thought it was important for her to know who the project manager was in case she had additional questions.


Wednesday, I went to exchange a net book purchased online at the Best Buy. “It’s a 15% restocking fee,” said the customer service rep at the store, smugly. I called customer service that morning and they informed me of the procedure, but didn’t mention a restocking fee. I could have turned into Tasha Mack. Instead calmly, I told her what the customer service rep told me. She went on with all these questions, she was training a new employee I guess, but her attitude expressed that she wanted a “story” from me. Long story short, customer service at Best Buy sucks, but I left with my full purchase price and Ms. Thang didn’t get her rise. I think my calm demeanor surprised her and she had to waive the fee.


Lesson, get what you want/need first then go ape sh*t.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Too Cute!



These little kids got so much swag. Little stars in the making.

Damn!


Real Talk

‎"Happiness is the result of being too busy to be miserable." ~ Rev Run

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I Wanna Wear a Freakin' Turban



I got this from the Fashion Bomb.

Luv'em or Hate'em They Making $$$

I'm not a fan of the Kardashians, but I must admit Kim has her " Imma Bad B*tch" moments like the one below. Both Kim and Kourtney look fierce.


I like her style, but it does get a little boring and predictable. So how in the hell do they come out with a second clothing line; this time for QVC? I was over at the Budget Babe and came across these photos http://www.thebudgetbabe.com/archives/3175-K-DASH-by-Kardashian-for-QVC.html#extended. No shade, I would so buy the dresses, but according to QVC only big girl sizes are available.



Tuesday, October 26, 2010

DaWN CaM

DAwn cam from Dawn Richard Blog on Vimeo.

Top 30 Before 30

I read a magazine article once about Mandy Moore and she talked about her “to do” list before she reached a certain age. From it I got the idea to do a “Top 25 Before 25” to do list and now since I’m past the age of 25 I’m working on my “Top 30 Before 30” list. It’s a silly list really, it includes dumb sh*t, like learning to fry chicken and real sh*t like getting a promotion. I have leftovers from my Top 25 list, I’ve never danced on a bar before and I haven’t had the chance to ride a mechanical bull, but I can now rock a miniskirt and I finally got that picture with Mickey.

It’s just a fun list to do and it helps with setting long term goals and creates life experiences. One of my Top 25 items was to study abroad and I got the chance to study at Cambridge in the UK. I wanted a promotion and got a raise and a good reputation. I also wanted to wear a miniskirt and now I can’t get out of them. My Top 30 Before 30 list includes:

1. Get some real furniture (i.e. some ish I can sell if timed get hard)
2. Become an expert in my field (i.e. finish the CSEP certification process or at

least the certificate program)
3. I still don’t know how to fry chicken
4. Learn to network without a serious pep talk before hand
5. Create a signature dish
6. Purchase a designer bag, the fancy stuff (Gucci, Marc Jacobs, etc) I need to

save for it for no credit cards
7. Sunbathe in Madrid
8. Kiss a dolphin
9. I need to learn to swim
10. Wear a tuxedo


I don't include stuff like get married or have some babies because it's all about the timing and they require things out of my control. It's a set-up for faiure if it doesn't happen. I've learned to set real goals, not like the one I set in eight grade, "To be taller." I haven't made it to 5"2.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

My Prez and his Lady, AwWw

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Trey is for Kids....

So I'm a Trey Songz fan, luved "Gotta Go," bumped "Missin You", "Black Roses" is my jam and dude is killin me wit "Can't be Friends." I don't care for the video, it seems he's now a member of the "NO BLACK GIRLS ALLOWED CLUB." See below.



I really like the fact that dude is putting in work and you can see he wants to be a great entertainer, but he lacks personality and it seems his music is a mix of grown folk R&B and that sticky, sticky, licky, licky music for the kids. I prefer the former. That whole sellin sex, get money music is nothing but a paper chase. In my opinion he needs to pick an audience and stick with it; he could make music for now and eventually become played out when the trend fades.

I went to a see Trey and Monica in DC and the divide in audiences was glaring. First off, the concert started on time. It was scheduled for 8:00 pm, I got there at 8:30 pm and Monica was half through her set! WTH was Monica doing opening for Trey anyway? When she sang "First Night" half the crowd sat in a blank stare while the half bobbed and sang along. Remember when Monica and Brandy ruled the charts?

Treyz's set was all sex NOT makin luv. He brought a girl onstage and gave her a massage which reminded me of when I went to Immature concerts as a kid and they sang "Please Don't Go" or "Never Lie." All the kiddie's were screaming as Mr. Songz humped the air and stuck out his tongue. I realized I'm too old for all this screaming and hollering. He sang maybe one ballad, but the rest were "Say Ahhs," you know all the music the younger set would enjoy.
Still luv, Trey though. I'm hoping to get ticket for Usher's OMG tour. Trey will open, but I hope he ups his set though, that whole R. Kelly/Bobby Brown set was for the kids.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I can only imagine the vacations Palin would take.

I’m a little late on getting my thoughts out about First Lady Obama’s trip to Spain with cutie-patootie Sasha, but here goes. I really didn’t think it was a big deal until articles like this one New York Daily News started popping up. Folks (i.e. Republican’ts, white people, and dumb black folks) are upset over Lady O’s vacation. Some are not upset over the vacation, just the lavishness of it; some are just upset over the vacation. What did I think when I saw the photos? OMG! She looks fabulous! Ha Ha Ha.

I don’t care if she takes a billion vacations on the tax payers dime or not (some reports say that she spent her own money and that the taxpayers covered secret service and all that jazz). Well I do care a little, but I have a very high tolerance rate for her so she’d have to take almost a billion vacations to upset me, but anyhoo. It’s a recession right? Everyone should be sad and struggling. No one should be living the “good life” right now. Eh, Candace ain’t in a recession, in fact Candace got a raise, a promotion and a better place this year. God is good. The Obama’s aren’t in a recession either and I don’t think they would be if they weren’t in the White House. True.

I’m glad to see them “eating good.” Americans are a selfish self-righteous people. People have been buying jets, $70 hotdogs, Christian Loubitins, and multiple million dollar homes for years while entire cities and communities experienced extreme poverty and unemployment (Appalachian mountain communities, Detroit, Flint, Toledo, etc.). We (Americans) were cool with paying celebrities millions upon millions to tell us how much money they make and how they are gonna “blow” it. We allowed the rich to receive tax cuts for years and we allowed our city leaders to neglect our roads, schools, and well being. So why be made now? I highly doubt anyone personally felt the pinch in his pocket over the Obama vacations.

Let’s be real right now; most people if they had the money and wanted to, would take a 5-star vacation and not give a damn if John Doe somewhere in Indiana lost his job at the plant. So if you could, you would, but can’t and mad cause someone else DID. Isn’t that called, HATING? America is full of Haters? Ya’ll hating on the First Lady? (Did that come out right?)
Besides, how would the image of a homely, down trodden, sour faced First Family help the American economy? What image would that project?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Jesse? Quit playing on my F****** phone!

Will Smith said...




Don't try and build the great wall of China overnight.
Just learn to lay ONE perfect brick at a time"
~ Will Smith




Wednesday, August 4, 2010

We Should Take Care of Each Other

A couple of weeks back an ex co-coworker called to ask me if she could interview me for her Organizational Behavior class. Say what, now? “You think I have a behavioral problem?” That wasn’t the case. We discussed the importance and influence of corporate culture and the effect on employee performance and job satisfaction. It was a good conversation, but what really stuck was when she said, “I felt like I failed you. As black women, I feel we should take care of each other.” A couple weeks later I’m repeating the same words to a young woman who worked at my organization.

I didn’t repeat those exact words, but it’s how I felt. She had been interning at the company for nearly a year and she had taken a sheep like following to a coworker who was bad news, a show pony, and I knew she would end up “burned.” The relationship wasn’t mutually beneficial she thought she would get mentorship, work experience and a stellar recommendation from this person who only had personal gain in mind. “She’s a big girl,” I thought “she’ll find out sooner or later or maybe not.” On her last day she opened up about the relationship and how badly it made her feel and I realized that I fudged up.

Granted the situation was new to me; do I bad mouth my coworker to an intern? I don’t know this girl. How can I call her a follower? Am I really qualified to give someone career advice? Besides she didn’t ask me Sugar Honey Iced Tea. Besides, this girl’s “Sheppard” was a sista too.
So did I have a responsibility to this young sista, to teach her the game or at least make an effort? In my opinion, yes. It’s hard for people of color in the workplace, especially women of color and I know what it feels like to feel “lost” at work especially fresh out of school. I did appreciate the occasional ‘words of wisdom’ from a seasoned coworker and I did feel the need for mentorship. Besides “other people” do it all the time that’s why “they” are making gains in the workplace and in economic status even social status and “we” still fighting each other.

Black women, black people, have lost the sense of “we” and “us.” That may be a reason we are so “angry” some of us are more “angry” than others, but we are angry; we most definitely have the right to be though. But, we also feel alone sometimes which makes us feel more defensive and aggressive. If we knew we had an army of “Bad Misses” behind us to support us and not take we would get a lot more accomplished and be a lot happier.

That day, she broke down and we had a heart to heart. I gave her the business and she ended up saying, “I wished I would have worked with you more.” “Most people don’t realize how lucky they are to be around me,” I said. “True.” Next time I’ll let them know.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

That's So Hot

I started my blog stroll a little late today (work got it the way), but I was still delighted to see a new designer featured on my fav fashion blog, http://www.fashionbombdaily.com/. Herds of the Fathers is a hot leather goods line geared toward the urban gentleman, but I think it's pretty hot for my lifestyle. See pics from their Web site below. The title of this post will take you there, if you click on it.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Note to Nice Guys

It’s hard being a “nice” person period. People will try you every day. But being “nice” isn’t your problem in regard to women. You need to be more assertive. Point. Blank. Period. Assertive in a way that is straightforward and masculine (i.e. confident), you can’t be afraid of rejection.

I know guys who are loud and obnoxious, but who are afraid of rejection and come off as insecure and weak almost. This guy is often a he-man woman hater; he really wants somebody, but he is afraid of getting his heart broken so he uses personality as a repellent. This dude is really a nice guy at heart and usually the most romantic. His opposite in personality is the nice, nice guy; the shy one, who often gets walked all over (not on purpose always). Women like a guy who is handy around the house and in the yard and this guy is good company, but we’re unsure of his intentions. He’d make a great boyfriend, but does he like ME or is he just being nice? Ladies like to feel safe and the relationship with this guy is ambiguous and no one feels safe in ambiguity. So you’ll be the back-up.

Where am I going with this? Tell me what you want from me! Tell me literally or with your actions sometimes both are necessary. Chase me. Be a man about it. Don’t ask for my number and wait for me to call you. Don’t ask me for my number and start meaningless text conversation (i.e. Hey, What a r doing?) Pick up the phone and make it plain. Don’t ask me out and wait for me to make the plans and please don’t keep score. I called you, now call me, I asked, you plan, I, you, I, you. This ain’t a game.

When I meet a guy like this I think, “This nuggets ain’t serious, games all games” so my guard is up and my effort is minimal (If you just chillin, cool). In essence I’m taking your lead. It’s your move. Be aggressive. You may get rejected, but you have to first take the chance. We’re all “nice” girls looking for a “nice” guy.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Ya Killin Me


I discovered http://blackfashion.tumblr.com/ a minute ago (from a blog stroll perhaps) and I luv it. This pic of Alek Wek is killin me. She killed it, Haute and Hawt. Click the title for some bruthas and sistas with crazy swag.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Real Talk

"They say it is a sad thing to not have friends.

But it is sadder still to not have enemies.

Because he who has no enemies,

It is a sign that he has,

Neither talent that overshadows,

Nor blessings that others may covet,

Nor character that impresses,

Nor valor that is feared,

Nor honor that can be murmured about,

Nor any good thing that could be envied.”

José Martí (1853-1895)

You, a B*tch?


Truth be told I have my issues with the B –word, but I have to be honest it doesn’t bother me or should I say cause an explosion in me like the N-word. The B-word essentially has two main meanings bad and bad, but not necessarily bad. Understand? Nope. When I use it, I usually mean this person is a scum bag, low down dirty, classless mofo (male or female) or this is a person that can get the job done her way and not tip-toe or apologize for being confident and honest about the way she wants it done. The latter definition comes from the media vilifying a strong woman who may or may not be a little catty. Both definitions are derogatory but it is what it is.

Some women aspire to be a bitch, the baddest b*tch even, which takes on a different meaning, but some aspire to be Omarosa or Anna Wintour which is fine IF you have what it takes and you are willing to take the consequences. Omarosa and Anna are very successful and fun to watch so I admit I understand the allure of being a known B-Word; it’s a persona that gets you attention and sometimes accolades. Omarosa and Anna have reps for being nasty, but I’m sure you can be called a B for just being unapologetic for doing things your way and demanding the best from the people around you. Oprah and Michelle O were probably labeled B’s at some point or ABW’s, you know that’s synonymous for a B.

Being called a B isn’t necessarily a bad thing. How does the saying go, “Woe is he who has no friends, but even worse is he who has no enemies”? I butchered that, I know, but you get the point. It does matter the context in which you were called one though.
So can you be a good b*tch or a bad b*tch (not bad like “oh she bad,” but like bad as is poor quality)? Yes. Mos def. In order to be a good B you have to know the basics starting with number one;

1. “To thy own self be true.” You can’t fake the funk with this persona you have to go balls out cause the attacks will come from everyone, everywhere and if you aren’t prepared you will be eaten alive.

2. Know your stuff. Be good at what you do. If you wanna be a stylist, know your designers, fabrics, seasons, etc. If you are in politics know your opponent, the issues, the facts and the numbers. A b*tch needs to be able to lay down a verbal smack down. You don’t wanna be embarrassed by some novice or someone trying to take your spot.

3. C.Y.O.B (Cover Your Own Butt). Anyone in the work world should do this, but it is especially important to aspiring divas (a nicer tone for the b-word) because sabotage and lies will be common occurrences. Always leave a paper trail e-mails, confirmations numbers, receipts and always follow-up. Let them KNOW you mean BUSINESS. People don’t always treat your projects the way you do so you have to make sure they hold up their end of the bargain. Besides written evidence adds to your upper hand when conflicts arise it won’t be he say she say. It also isn’t a bad idea to log your calls too. Never ever lie, it makes you look straight STOOPID and a b*tch should never were the poo poo face.

4. Treat everyone the same. Be consistent. You can’t try to treat some people like poo and then turn around a smile in some else’s face. Someone is always watching you. (Remember Making the Band 2? Sing. “You are being watched, you are being watched.”) A fake b*tch is automatically a bad one. Plus, you never know what a person can do for you? Sucks to put it that way, but hey.

5. Have a code. Have some integrity. No one wants to be associated with a liar, a cheat or a thief, no one. Plus, you can’t possibly be a happy liar.
If you have the basics covered and you are starting to get some shine (i.e. your boss/client/captain publicly gives you kudos, you won, you get the feature, you meet your own goals, etc.) Then you can consider yourself a BAD B*TCH in a good way. A winning personality is secondary though it wouldn’t hurt.

Needless to say, I can get along with anyone including a b*tch. Hell I might even be one. (According to a few losers, I am, but everyone should have haters, right?) What I can’t stand is a bad b*tch (i.e. a loser, second rate diva, a slug arse mofo). You know the kind too busy trying to make you look bad to do any self improvement, the one with the nasty comments and catty remarks for no good reason, she is one of those “you must decrease so I can increase” cats, the kind who believes there is not enough success or happiness to go around, the kind who will cheat, lie and sabotage. She wants to be the best but lacks skill so her only option to get rid of you. YOU make HER look bad. She is no good and adds no value; at work she may be a “show pony.” She may have the ego, but nothing to back it up; she lacks the basics. No weapon, but a loud and/or foul mouth sometimes she just looks good. Pointed questions are her weakness “Did you get confirmation? When? Show me the receipts!”

Though the word b*tch has no color once you add one it adds a special connotation. That said I can’t stand a low level b*tch period (sometimes they’re called basic though the lack the “basics”), and I will cop to saying “There is nothing worse than a black bitch!” Yes I said it. I absolutely loathe a black bitch. Because they hurt you (well me as a black woman) the most. If there is anyone on this planet who can understand my plight; it should be you, sista. And you stab me (in front of these white people!)?!?! You cut me, you cut me deep.

So let me finish this by saying, I would never refer to you, myself or anyone I loved as a bitch (under normal circumstances). However, I do understand that it is a word good or bad that I’ll have to deal with at some point. Because though we can try to avoid negativity and negative people, it’s a part of life. I’m sure I’ll be a “bitch” to somebody, someday. When that day comes “You must admit. I got every reason to feel like I'm "THAT BITCH". Ego so strong, if you ain't know. I don't need no beat, I can sing it with piano.” ~ Beyonce

Thursday, July 1, 2010

On Repeat

Luv'in this song.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

HelloGoodMornin

So Diddy is moving really trying to move forward with this Dirty Money thing, ahem, Diddy-Dirty Money thing. The group has a new Web site (click the title to visit the site) and four new videos, and new promo shots all set up to promote their upcoming album debut, The Last Train to Paris. I am planning to get the album despite (or inspite, I honestly don't know when to use either word) of my complaints against the group.

1. Why is the group called Diddy-Dirty Money, not just Dirty Money? I think Puff is just using Dawn and Kaleena to build credibility in the music arena, then it's over. They just backup singers anyway.

2. If they are a group, why do they need all these cameos and features? I like the original versiion of HelloGoodMornin, performed on American Idol then they went and T.I. and Rick Ross. Too many people on that one.


4. Why can't Dawn and Kaleena be seen with the featured artists? Can they get some shine, they always together, in the backround and out of the shot.

5. Why are the girls always dressed alike. Not the same outfit literally, but the same style. Can't they add some personality to their fits?

I'm hoping the album isn't full of add on rappers, please be some slow jams. Anyhoo, some photos from the "groups" recent promo shot are below. I took them off the Web site.











Friday, May 21, 2010

Still Smiling :)


Thursday, May 20, 2010

My Smile Moment Today....

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Summa, Summatime


I think I‘m getting the blues again (I know it happens a lot). Maybe I’m just tired this time though, I just finished a stressful event and my part-time gig is becoming a little stressful too; it’s just not fun anymore. I’ve been working every day of the week for full days of work! Geez, what the hell am I on? I’m starting to feel like a crack head cause I don’t have anything to show for my hard work, too many trips to Target perhaps.

Anyhoo, I’m making a list of things that I’m looking forward to this summer in hopes to cheer myself up.

1. I’m going to the Erykah Badu concert this month. I thought Janelle Monae was coming too, but it looks like N.E.R.D will be stepping in instead. No worries, I’m craving some good music right now. It would be great if the Roots made an appearance wouldn’t it?

2. Movies! Movies! Movies! Shrek: Forever After, Toy Story 3, The Losers, Takers and Grown –Ups (I know I’m a big arse kid).

3. After a big conference in Orlando for work, I’m going to stay a couple extra days to go to Disney World. Yay! I’ve never been to Disney World so I’m geeked. Plus the hotel has a pool that I can chilax by and work on my tan. (Maybe that’s why I haven’t quit my part time gig? I would be broke, like Kappa broke.)

4. The Smithsonian offers a photography class in July for a price that fits my budget. I just have to make sure I can use my current camera. Click!

5. My new apartment is mos def an upgrade from my old digs and it’s time to invest in decorating my room. I’m thinking deep purples and lots of embellishments and real furniture! The only thing of value is my bed cause I refuse sacrifice a good night’s sleep. In my defense, there is nothing wrong with IKEA when you are just starting out.

6. At work, after conference we usually get every other Friday off during the summer and I’m going to cut my hours on the part time job too so I’m taking back my weekends (well at least a few). Sunday morning trips to the Smithsonian and lounging at Barnes & Noble’s here I come, after church of course. Heck I may even venture to Farmer’s Markets and street festivals. This calls for new sandals, right?

7. I am sick of being an armchair revolutionary, so this summer I promise myself to go do some good for someone else and not just padding the collection plate either. I’m gonna get my volunteerism/ activism on.

8. My mom’s coming to visit!

9. Summer music and concerts! Last Train to Paris (June 28) and Bionic (June 4)

10. “Skin so brown, lips so round, Baby how can I be down? Beautiful mahogany, you make me feel like a queen Tell me what's that thing you do that makes me wanna get next to you, yeah”
Yessss! Honey, skin, skin and more skin and I’ve been doin squats too short shorts here I come!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Who You Callin' a ......

So over the weekend a coworker who shall remain nameless called me an Angry Black Woman, say what now? “I’m not angry person, am I?” I asked another coworker and a chorus of “yes’” ensued. “At first I thought you were playing, but now I see that’s just the way you are.” What? The offender named an ex-coworker who I got along with, with no problems as an Angry Black Woman too. Maybe he means confident, I thought. Cause I saw no evidence of this ex-coworker being hostile, aggressive or attitudinal and neither am I. What we have in common is a high self esteem and a strong value system.
I’m a pretty cool person, a low maintenance loyal friend, a hard worker I like cooking and shopping. I luv planning trips and African-American history. I’m blessed beyond my belief and a firm believer in the Word of God (b.k.a the bible); I just have low tolerance for laziness, stupidity, mediocrity and cooning. I also think it is in poor taste to talk about sex openly in the employee break room, excuses are really tools of incompetence and I absolutely can’t stand quitters or victims. So if you talking that ish, I’m out. Does that make me angry? I have the choice to surround myself in that foolishness or move on. Most times I say “Peace Out!”

Then I thought, maybe it’s my tongue. I’ve been told it’s sometimes sarcastic, cunning, and at times funny. I am a little sarcastic and I joke all the time, but that’s just me. I feel awkward if I’m trying to be bubbly and sweet. Sometimes I wonder if I were another color would it be different. I’ve heard some women say things that were downright offensive, rude and sarcastic and be called funny or just sarcastic, but I say something I gotta be mad or angry or bitter? If I were a guy, I’d be a leader right?

I can be mean when pushed and pushed. Everyone who knows me truly knows that I don’t like confrontation and that I’m actually quite reserved. So if I’m pissed enough to confront you, I AM PISSED so if you get IT, then you had IT coming. So what? I can’t stand up for myself?

Finally, I have a penchant for telling the truth (I told a lie once junior year and it ate me up so bad, I came clean and vowed to never ever lie again, ever). So if you ask me a question I’m gonna tell the truth with tact and class of course. So you complaining about your boss fussing you out for being chronically late, but you admit you always get up at the same time and the bus is always late. I’m gonna tell you to get yo arse up earlier and take an earlier bus so if the bus is late you won’t be, duh. Your boss has the right to be upset, YOU messin up. Does that make me angry or honest?

I am not an arguer. Don’t Angry Black Women like to argue and do their signature neck roll all the time? Well, I must admit I have done a neck roll once before and it felt good, ain’t nothing wrong with it, but for arguments sake, don’t angry black women look for arguments and opportunities to “tell somebody off.”? I’ll say my peace and flash the “deuces” arguing takes too much time and energy and how does the saying go, “When you see two people arguing from a distance it’s hard to tell who is the fool and who isn’t. “ The stereo typical ABW loves a good fight, right?

It’s bad enough when other people call you an angry black woman, but when my people do it; it does upset me a little. Dudes are offended cause you ask a question, don’t accept their tired excuses, or don’t run and jump at their command. I’m supposed to be grateful an employed brother is talking to me right? What I don’t get is black women unjustly labeling another black woman an ABW. Maybe they don’t want to interrupt the status quo, whatever.

Stereotypes suck, but they aren’t just made up. Some people fit the bill, I ain’t lying. Some people fit the bill sometimes. Some people fit the bill all the time, but stereotypes do harm to reputation, self esteem and ego. Fact. Maybe it’s time for me to do some tweaking in my presentation to the world. If more than one person says something it may have some truth, especially if these people don’t know each other, right? Maybe it’s not the same wording, maybe it’s a common theme.

Do different people from different areas of your life agree on something about you? Do you have reason to believe these people are out to cause you harm? If the first answer is yes and the second is no, then maybe you need to make some changes. Hmm, I’m gonna let that marinate.
But, FYI just because I don’t try to be a “down ass chick,” a sugary sweet cupcake or a free spirited social butterfly it’s doesn’t make me angry. Just because I don’t let you walk all over me, it doesn’t mean I’m an ABW. Just because I don’t’ settle for some second rate dude, it doesn’t make me an ABW. Just because I want the best, it doesn’t mean I’m an ABW.

Well I guess it boils down to, “Perception is reality,” which is true. If you wanna see me as an angry black woman, then that’s all you will see; but you’ll be missing out.

Monday, May 17, 2010

10 Things Every Woman Should Own

Star stylist Nicole Chavez listed 10 Things Every Woman Must Own for Instyle magazine a while ago. Click the title to take you to the link. Her picks are listed below as well as my humble opinion.

1. Black blazer or a nice sturdy black cardigan. Cardigans adds a sophistocated vibe, real Michelle O.

2. Red Flats or your signature color. I like red, but I love purple.

3. Striped Shirt or a button down white one or a black cotton turtle neck it depends on your overall "look." Striped says sport classic, but black say chic.

4. Little Black Dress (LBD) AGREED!

5. Opaque tights I live in these during the winter. Plus I don't have to shave my legs. Bonus!

6. Oversize watch I'm feeling the rose gold look.

7. Classic Trench I've got three of 'em.

8. Flared jeans or whatever looks best on you. I live in skinnies, but bootcuts are more classic.

9. Leopard print scarf Animal prints never go out of style. Ever.

10. Statement necklace or earrings or bracelet. I'm an earring person the bigger the better.

My picks are below.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Way to Go, Katie!


Over at Bossip, I read a post that made me smile. Notre Dame has named it's first African American valedictorian and she's a sista AND a woman in the sciences. Go Girl! I heart to see women of color doing well, especially sistas. Click the title for the Bossip post. I visited the Notre Dame Web site to confirm the details and they pretty much match-up :).

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Color of Beauty

While over at www.thefashionbombdaily.com I came across the video below. It's in french, but the subtitles are in English. I thought they knew "black is the new black."


Monday, May 10, 2010

Candid Camera: Shopping While Black - Essence.com

So while over at http://www.essence.com/ I came across a piece on “shopping while black.” Basically cameras recorded black actors posed as shoppers being treated unfairly. Real-life clerks said things like “You people shoplift” and followed the actors and the people nearby where unfazed by the blatant discrimination. They just continued on with their purchases without a peep. What if it were you being degraded or what if you overheard the offense? What would you do?

I shop a lot and know the difference between good customer service and surveillance. I have to admit though I am not always as vigilant about recognizing discrimination and acting on it. Sometimes if I’m shopping I’m in my own little world or on a mission to find a hot new addition for my closet and I am not always aware of what’s going on around me which I know I have to work on. But when I do notice someone is watching me depending on my mood I just walk out, put whatever I have in my hands down where I stood and leave. Sometimes if I really want the item and I’ve checked other places I’ll buy it, tell the salesperson how I feel, throw in a degrading jab or two without raising my voice and then ask for the manager. I used to just leave, but I sometimes think “This ain’t her store. She can’t make me leave.”

Crazy thing is I experience this behavior (i.e. following, watching, too much attention or no attention) from black folks too. Sometimes they are the worst. I’ll never forget when I first moved to the DMV area and I got my first paycheck and ventured to Fashion Center Mall at Pentagon City. I went to Sephora and no one said “Boo,” but when I white woman walked in she received greetings and offers of assistance. I was followed in Banana Republic and J.Crew. These were my favorite places to shop online. (In Detroit we didn’t have too many retails store you’d have to drive way out to go shopping.) The only store that I felt fine in was United Colors of Benetton of all places. The Ethiopian girl didn’t want to help me, but the white guy picked out a fab outfit for me and referred a tailor for the pants. That day I felt befuddled, taken aback and a little disheartened. You expect this from white people, but to be profiled by your own people? I had never been treated this way and this gave birth to my hardened DMV exterior.

I’ve never heard a racial slur or the term “you people”, but I’m guessing if I did I’d hit the roof. Subtle racism is the norm sadly, but blatant racism requires action immediately and the offender must be punished. Judging from prior experience I’d calmly call the sales person every name, but a child of God, reminded her that “we run this….country (Obama), game (Venus), company (Ursula), industry (Beyonce)… and the new Negro is here to get in her face, call her boss and gasp, write a letter!

Maybe I’m not reacting enough, but at least I do something, right? See the full article here.

Double High Five

Sister, sister/How about that two way twister/Shakin' up our family tree/With sibling synchronicity/Sister, sister/Never knew how much I missed ya/Now that everybody knows/I ain't ever gonna let you go/Sister...oh/Sister, sister/

I luved that show as a kid. I luved it all the way to the end when they went to college at the University of Michigan. It’s hard to believe the setting for that show was Detroit, my city (i.e. one of the most crime ridden cities in the country). In my head they lived somewhere close, but not that close, suburban like Ann Arbor or Auburn Hills, but nonetheless I could still relate to them, maybe because in high school I was a dork to the ba-zillionth power too and I remember wearing those floppy hats and sweatshirts with turtlenecks. Remember the episode when they learned to ride the bus and they got lost? That totally happened to me, but getting lost in fictional Detroit and the real Detroit are two different animals.


I also liked the show because it showcased regular teenage life and was relatable to any teenager; the twist was the twins separated at birth thing which made it a little cheesy but still funny. It wasn’t about how hard it was to be black or how hard it was to be a teenager or how hard it was to be a black teenager. The show was just as goofy as the characters even though the characters reminded me of people I know. The relationship between Tia and Tamera reminds me of the relationship between my sister and I; we’re twins too and it’s funny to see that some twins share the same experience of being together 24/7, then wanting to distance yourself, to saying “I hate you” and ending up crying together on a couch. I guess that’s what all sisters do though. Sister, Sister was a great sitcom and leaves me nostalgic over the times where TV shows were good carefree light entertainment (i.e. Family Matters, Full House and the TGIF line-up). Now shows require too much energy to keep up with.

Anyhoo, where are the twins now? Laughin, lovin, livin life. They turned out to be great young role models and seem to be lovely young women. (Nowadays if you don’t have a sex tape or media whoring then you are considered a “nice girl.” But, the twins do seem to be genuinely “nice girls”.) Contrary to what some bloggers think, they are working and happen to be very successful college graduates. Both graduated from Pepperdine University with degrees in psychology and spent time studying in Italy. Besides starring in a long-running sitcom is an accomplishment, plus, they are probably still getting paid because the show is in syndication around the world. Everyday a new kid discovers the Mowry twins. (BTW, my mother once told me that they were our distant cousins on my maternal grandmother’s side, but this is the same woman who also said that Big Bird was also my cousin so I don’t know about that one.)

The girls are still acting and producing. Mrs. Tia Hardict is married to actor Cory Hardict. She starred in the sitcom The Game (I know BET is supposed to be bringing it back, but I’ll believe it when I see it) and Disney Channel movies with her sister, Twitches and Twitches Too. She has also done some voice over work in the Bratz series.

Ms. Tamera has starred in Strong Medicine and Roommates in addition to some voice over work on The Family Guy. She just finished a pilot for a TV called What We Do for Love with Alfonso Riberio and James Avery. She’ll play a half Latin and African American woman. Both sisters have made appearances on television and in movies AND they are both starring in and executive producing Double Wedding for Lifetime. Cha-Ching! The two have also won NAACP Image Awards and Kid’s Choice Awards.

So I’d say they are doing well. You can tell Tia is the most out-going and Tamera is laid back. Here’s what Tia had to say about her sister via IMBD.

"I think that you may find that Tamera's a little more vibrant and energetic, but I'm much more likely to go up to a person and say, "Hi, I'm Tia, nice to meet you". Whereas Tamera is like...well ...she's a little shy. She's down to earth. I'm more extroverted and she's more introverted when meeting people. Even with a fan I'll be like, "Hi! How are you! How are ya doing?" and Tamera's in the back thinking, "Let's see if this person's okay, then I'll come". That's how she is. I take the first step."

Tia may be more outgoing but in my opinion Tamera is the style star. Both girls always look put together, but Tamera’s stylish yet classic outfits are more my style.

Both girls are on twitter that’s where I get my info in addition to IMBD. The photo came from the ConcreteLoop.

http://twitter.com/TiaMowry

http://twitter.com/TameraMowryTwo

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I Luv This Song

This song makes me wanna dance and always puts me in a good mood. I'm not a fan of Janelle Monae, but I think this song has won me over. She and Erykah Badu are doing a concert together at DAR Constitution Hall this month (or next month, I can't remember) and guess who has tickets? Me! So I'll be brushing up on her so I can sing along and I mos def will be rocking black and white (her signature colors).




"I tip on alligators and little rattle snakers
But I'm another flavor
Something like a terminator
Ain't no equivocating
I fight for what I believe
Why you talkin' bout it
S-s-she's talkin' bout it
Some callin me a sinner
Some callin me a winner
I'm callin you to dinner
And you know exactly what I mean,"

"Yeah I'm talkin bout you
You can rock or you can leave
Watch me tip without you ."

- Janelle Monae Tightrope

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Every Little Bit Helps

Last year I read a book titled, “Nudge.” It basically talked about the power making small incremental changes has over a greater issue. For example taking the stairs up five flights twice daily could lead to stronger legs in as little as two weeks (my own example). So in an effort to actually accomplish a few of my news resolutions I’m going to make the following nudges in hopes of making a great impact of my savings account.

1. Join the club. For every store I patronize on the regular I’m signing up for the “bonus card” and/or email list. You get free coupons and hella savings. At the grocery store the often advertise the bonus card price as the sale price. FYI I haven’t had any issues with spam only coupons.

2. Complete the surveys. Sometimes at the bottom of the receipt there is a link or number to complete a survey. Often there is a dollar off or percentage off reward for you next purchase.

3. Cook at home and more often. Make a big pot of something and have it for lunch one day, dinner the next until it gone. Pasta is always cheap and keeps you full. This can save more money that being a ‘dollar menu - aire “a couple times a week. Plus, it’s better on your stomach.

4. When I make a one dish meal, say chili, I add an extra can of beans to stretch the dish for a couple more servings.

5. It also helps to plan your meals, and then make a grocery list that way you know what you need and can stick to it.

6. If you want to try a swank new restaurant, go for lunch on Tuesday instead of a Friday night dinner. The lunch menu is much cheaper.

7. I know I’m gonna get flack for this one, but if you wanna go out, but you’re a little low on funds, say yes to dude who’s been checking for you.

8. Carry cash in larger denominations like 50’s rather than 20’s and 10’s. The affect is two-fold. Actually seeing the cash rather than using plastic will make you more aware of how much you’re spending and breaking a 50 dollar bill to buy a $6 sandwich is mentally harder to do.

9. I recently I gave myself and allowance for ‘fun’ money in cash and when it was gone. I was back at the bookstore reading magazines cause I knew I didn’t have the funds to go out.

10. Leave your debit/credit card at home.

11. Comparison shop for everything. Try http://www.shopstyle.com/ for clothes and accessories.

12. Be mature enough to say “I ain’t got it.”

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Friday, April 9, 2010

Commentary: Jill Scott Talks Interracial Dating - Essence.com

Over the past few weeks there has been hoopla on the Web about a piece in Essence magazine written by Jill Scott on interracial dating. I read the piece, at the bookstore (I forgot to renew my subscription) and I agreed with the overall message, but a few comments bothered me.

“My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.”

“These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed.”

First let me make this very clear, I AM NOT AGAINST INTERACIAL DATING. I always say, “I ain’t gonna let NOBODY and NOTHING keep me away from my “good thing.” If the one God made for me happens to look like Channing Tatum and not Lamman Rucker, then so be it. However I am against self hatred and stereotyping. If you’re with someone because you feel, whether you admit it or not, that she is “better” because of her skin color or you think that an entire race of women all share the same character traits, then that is a problem.
It is hard to make a case for someone who used to be with the chocolatiest of chocolate sistas when he was “po, broke, and had no dough” then suddenly after “making it” he joins the No Black Girls Allowed Club. I’m just saying, something about it just doesn’t seem right and something ain’t right about saying all sistas are gold-digging, whores with not education or conversation. Who hurt you bruh?

But anyway back to Jill and her article cause I can go on and on about interracial dating. I admit I do feel something when I see a seemingly together brother with Annie Cream Cheese, but I wouldn’t say betrayed. It really depends on the couple. Sometimes if the couple just matches like they both share the same of love for Star Trek and their eyes just dance when they see each other; you can see real love and I just smile and think “There is someone for everyone.” There are times when I can just tell a brother will end up with a white girl and it’s usually when “He ain’t got no swag.” Yes I said it and I mean it. Some guys are nice guys, but just seem so bland. When lack of confidence or flavor is apparent I feel, eh. Mostly I feel, eh. There may have been a time I felt betrayed, but I now realize that usually I’m not attracted to guys who only date Becky’s or might-as-well-be-Beckys anyway. Real talk, but I understand where Jill is coming from.

My real problem with the article is “While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!”

I hate when a black woman has a good argument going then weakens it by airing dirty laundry and/or failing to take responsibility for her own actions. I hate, absolutely H-A-T-E the single black mother argument that may have worked in the 80’s but in 2010, no go sista. First of all I don’t believe that single mothers or the black community in general do enough to ensure that our children learn to value themselves, have respect for other people or know our history which is quite evident by looking at the numbers (i.e. HIV/AIDs, gang violence, unwed mothers, etc.) So the argument of trying to raise kids to appreciate themselves is moot especially if you are a single mother with multiple baby daddies, no real goal and no skill which brings me to my second point.

Too many women are looking for a “Sponsor.” How can you teach your child or children to value themselves and you don’t value yourself? (BTW I think that may be a contributing factor in interracial dating. I just don’t think that young black men respect their mothers, but more on that in another blog post) I believe that being a single mother is a choice and if you make the choice then it’s your sole responsibility to deal with it. You gotta birth the baby, care for the baby, it’s your baby, right? And according to the bible and the law if you are not married you are, SINGLE. You chose to go it alone.

The mention of limited financial support also cooks my grits. If you can’t afford the baby, then don’t have the baby and if you do have the baby then YOU have to make some financial sacrifices. Duh!

Besides all that what does single mother hood and limited funds have to do with interracial dating? I mean in the context of this article I think the point was about how she feels about interracial dating not discuss the consequences of having unprotected sex with someone who is not your husband. Being a struggling, lonely single mother is not an outcome of interracial dating.
What is relevant is the part about an empty bed which is what she should have discussed in more detail. Because she is not a struggling single mother, single mother yes, but struggling to make ends meet, no.

I would like to read more about why it feels frustrating and why it hurts to see a black man with a white woman and not that “because of slavery sentiment” (though it is very real). Real talk. I’d like to read more personal feeling and real life experiences, maybe I’ll blog about it.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tyler Perry Doesn't Like Black Women


After seeing Why Did I get Married Too, I’m beginning to believe that Tyler Perry doesn’t like black women, but I don’t think he knows it. Think about it every black woman in his movies has had major issues from allowing themselves to be physically and emotionally abused (i.e. low self-worth via Madea’s Family Reunion), to being a “strong black woman” (i.e. too tough to love Meet the Browns), gold digging opportunist and money hungry (The Family That Preys), off the wall crazy, insecure, loud, uncouth (Why Did I Get Married?).

The Why Did I Get Married duo takes the cake for Tyler’s “woman hate.” Throughout the entire movie strong, successful, black men hungered for the love and affection of docile (Shelia), hostile (Angela), unfeeling (Patricia), selfish (Diane) successful black women. Though each woman sans Diane had her redeeming qualities, the message was clear – black women are crazy. Let Tyler Perry tell it, sistas are in dire need of some mental help.

I second that emotion. I agree with Mr. Perry. Sistas need an intervention followed by a lot of love, affection, appreciation and admiration. Most of our abuse is no longer at the hands of a brutal slave master or bigoted lawmaker the whip is not our oppressor. Oppressors come in the form of music, television, advertisements, our omission from history, our absence in meaningful positions in the boardroom, our families and our men – everywhere. It says, “You don’t matter.”

I can empathize with a woman who is docile. I believe they call it, “ugly girl syndrome” (i.e. she’ll do anything to keep her man because she doesn’t believe she deserves better or that he can do better in terms of appearance). Society tells us that we are physically undesirable and that we should be happy with what we get. Let me make it clear, I don't have that syndrome, it's an example.

Ms. Hostile, I see you. Sometimes we have to man up when we don’t have a man or men to protect us so we really have to get ours on your own. You hear it all the time, “Nuggets ain’t shit” and many of them aren’t. In defense of the hostile woman sometimes she wants to be protected and let her guard down and even be taken care of, but there are very few men who make her feel “safe” enough to relax.

Unfeeling, sometimes in the hood, the battle ground, the office or the real world you can’t show any signs of weakness cause you’ll be eaten alive. For some women with no safe haven its a mean mug all day ever day. Though in Why Did I get Married Too, Patricia came off as unfeeling and selfish in a bad way.

Every trait I mentioned is not positive thing, but sometimes you have to take circumstances in the equation which is what I hope I’m getting at, but Pat was a little bitch period.

At first I didn’t have an excuse for being selfish, but then I thought, I have my selfish moments and it’s usually when I’m tired of doing shit for er’body with no appreciation. Sometimes you just gotta say, “No.”

Damn it, I forgot what I was talking about. (Tap, Tap, Tap).
Oh yeah, Tyler Perry doesn’t like black women. He seems to take the worst quality and over dramatize it. Maybe he just finds certain traits unattractive and decided to send subliminal messages. Or maybe he doesn’t dislike black women at all. Maybe he LOVES us so much that he wants to help us see the error of our ways via overly dramatic movie plots and that we can find true love from the black man.

Either way, I’m a fan of his movies. He employs black actors and they're not pimps and hoes. Plus, he always makes sure we have some premium eye candy. How fine is Lamman Rucker? In my DMV lingo, “Dat ninja, is fine as shit.”