Monday, September 22, 2008

Enough is Enough

I got the post below from a Facebook note which means I did not write it the writer's e-mail address is included below. Enjoy.

From the outside looking in, everything in my life looks fairly peachy. But behind closed doors, I've struggled with abusive relationships. I am so not a fan of airing my personal business, especially in a forum as public as Facebook. Yet by sharing an intimate piece of myself, I can Lord willingly help someone have a breakthrough; overcoming an equally negative situation.It wasn't just a one-time thing. I've endured at least 3 long-term relationships, where the person made me feel good and made me look good, but never once apologized for how they mistreated me. Instead, they acted like nothing was wrong. And they'd demand money every time.I know, I know. I bet many of y'all are shocked. I can be so assertive. I notably make it known how I feel and what I want (thus explaining why I tend to fall out with so many associates, acquaintances and friends!). I have served in numerous leadership positions and have been told that I am quite the example of a lady. But indeed, it is true.This week, the lignt bulb finally came on and I realized that enough is enough. After years of wasting my time and enduring disrespect, I finally said 'no more.' And as of May 20, 2008, I made a step in the right direction to ensure that ish doesn't happen again.

My hands are literally shaking as I write this. I am proud of myself, yet afraid that it might get back to the person that I've dealt with for the past year and a half. Worse than that, I'm concerned that I may get desperate and go back to them. Nevertheless, I'm going exhale and take my chances.

Y'all, I switched hair stylists. ********Now of course, I was being overly dramatic – but in a way, I'm being serious. Abuse is defined as (1) to use wrongly or improperly and (2) to treat in an offensive way.All my life, I've encountered various beauticians that take forever and a day to do my hair. I will never forget the time when I was in middle school back in Michigan: my mother dropped me off at the salon one Saturday morning to get a relaxer. I was not finished until 7pm -- 9 frickin hours later! Needless to say, we were both furious.My breaking point with my now 'former' stylist (in North Carolina) occurred two weeks ago. Most of y'all know I have a Fantasia/Halle/Nia Long-esque short cut. Well, after being in the hair salon for SIX HOURS for a simple wash and style, I was totally fed up. Despite her hella awesome skills that always netted me compliments from complete strangers, I couldn't take it anymore. That was the final straw. Despite our nearly two years together, I finally took a stand, recognizing that my time is too precious and too valuable to be wasted. And I had the courage to walk away, never to come back.

I pose this question to all my sistas out there: Have you been used and abused by your hairstylist? Answer the following questions to see if you may also be a victim:
** Are you consistently in the shop for over 3 hours per regular appointment (wash and style or relaxer)?
** Does your stylist double, triple or quadruple book his or her appointments?
** After finally getting in the styling chair following an hour or more wait under the dryer after it turned off, does your stylist act like nothing is wrong, neglecting to offer an apology for being so slow in getting to you?
** Does your stylist seem to cop an attitude that one time that you arrive to your appointment late (because he/she is never ready on time) and they're actually running on schedule?
** Does your stylist forget the order in which clients need to be seen, or services another customer ahead of you that came after you because they created a huge stink about waiting so long (or made up a lie that they had somewhere to be rightthissecond)?
** Do you feel like your stylist is slightly offended when you don't give them a tip since you're beyond ticked off after waiting countless hours to get your hair done?

If you answered yes to two or more of the questions above, you may want to consider upgrading. I know good and well that I'm not the only one with this issue!

Yesterday I went ahead and tried out a new stylist that my girlfriend referred. And to my sheer amazement, I couldn't believe that I was in and out of the salon within two hours. And my hair looks pretty good, too.I won't belabor the point ladies. But look: If you get mad because your stylist doesn't respect your time, switch it up. If you're like me, you may not feel comfortable confronting the stylist or whining that they take too long. I don't feel like I should have to police my stylist, keeping track of who came in before and after me, ultimately reminding them of this. They are grown . They are professional. They know better.He or she may be a great person, and they are probably loads of fun. For me, it isn't personal. I don't have beef with my former beautician. It's just business, baby.I know everyone runs behind from time to time. Yet if it's ridiculous and consistent, consider giving your money to someone who respects you as a customer. Patronize a beautician that is cognizant of your schedule. It is so empowering.Peace and love,Carah

P.S. By the way, all hair jokes aside, if you are a victim of forreal abuse (domestic) – please get out of that situation ASAP. Please leave the person. Despite your mate's promises to change, they probably won't. You can do better. Real talk.

Written by Carrah Herring: