Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Who You Callin' a ......

So over the weekend a coworker who shall remain nameless called me an Angry Black Woman, say what now? “I’m not angry person, am I?” I asked another coworker and a chorus of “yes’” ensued. “At first I thought you were playing, but now I see that’s just the way you are.” What? The offender named an ex-coworker who I got along with, with no problems as an Angry Black Woman too. Maybe he means confident, I thought. Cause I saw no evidence of this ex-coworker being hostile, aggressive or attitudinal and neither am I. What we have in common is a high self esteem and a strong value system.
I’m a pretty cool person, a low maintenance loyal friend, a hard worker I like cooking and shopping. I luv planning trips and African-American history. I’m blessed beyond my belief and a firm believer in the Word of God (b.k.a the bible); I just have low tolerance for laziness, stupidity, mediocrity and cooning. I also think it is in poor taste to talk about sex openly in the employee break room, excuses are really tools of incompetence and I absolutely can’t stand quitters or victims. So if you talking that ish, I’m out. Does that make me angry? I have the choice to surround myself in that foolishness or move on. Most times I say “Peace Out!”

Then I thought, maybe it’s my tongue. I’ve been told it’s sometimes sarcastic, cunning, and at times funny. I am a little sarcastic and I joke all the time, but that’s just me. I feel awkward if I’m trying to be bubbly and sweet. Sometimes I wonder if I were another color would it be different. I’ve heard some women say things that were downright offensive, rude and sarcastic and be called funny or just sarcastic, but I say something I gotta be mad or angry or bitter? If I were a guy, I’d be a leader right?

I can be mean when pushed and pushed. Everyone who knows me truly knows that I don’t like confrontation and that I’m actually quite reserved. So if I’m pissed enough to confront you, I AM PISSED so if you get IT, then you had IT coming. So what? I can’t stand up for myself?

Finally, I have a penchant for telling the truth (I told a lie once junior year and it ate me up so bad, I came clean and vowed to never ever lie again, ever). So if you ask me a question I’m gonna tell the truth with tact and class of course. So you complaining about your boss fussing you out for being chronically late, but you admit you always get up at the same time and the bus is always late. I’m gonna tell you to get yo arse up earlier and take an earlier bus so if the bus is late you won’t be, duh. Your boss has the right to be upset, YOU messin up. Does that make me angry or honest?

I am not an arguer. Don’t Angry Black Women like to argue and do their signature neck roll all the time? Well, I must admit I have done a neck roll once before and it felt good, ain’t nothing wrong with it, but for arguments sake, don’t angry black women look for arguments and opportunities to “tell somebody off.”? I’ll say my peace and flash the “deuces” arguing takes too much time and energy and how does the saying go, “When you see two people arguing from a distance it’s hard to tell who is the fool and who isn’t. “ The stereo typical ABW loves a good fight, right?

It’s bad enough when other people call you an angry black woman, but when my people do it; it does upset me a little. Dudes are offended cause you ask a question, don’t accept their tired excuses, or don’t run and jump at their command. I’m supposed to be grateful an employed brother is talking to me right? What I don’t get is black women unjustly labeling another black woman an ABW. Maybe they don’t want to interrupt the status quo, whatever.

Stereotypes suck, but they aren’t just made up. Some people fit the bill, I ain’t lying. Some people fit the bill sometimes. Some people fit the bill all the time, but stereotypes do harm to reputation, self esteem and ego. Fact. Maybe it’s time for me to do some tweaking in my presentation to the world. If more than one person says something it may have some truth, especially if these people don’t know each other, right? Maybe it’s not the same wording, maybe it’s a common theme.

Do different people from different areas of your life agree on something about you? Do you have reason to believe these people are out to cause you harm? If the first answer is yes and the second is no, then maybe you need to make some changes. Hmm, I’m gonna let that marinate.
But, FYI just because I don’t try to be a “down ass chick,” a sugary sweet cupcake or a free spirited social butterfly it’s doesn’t make me angry. Just because I don’t let you walk all over me, it doesn’t mean I’m an ABW. Just because I don’t’ settle for some second rate dude, it doesn’t make me an ABW. Just because I want the best, it doesn’t mean I’m an ABW.

Well I guess it boils down to, “Perception is reality,” which is true. If you wanna see me as an angry black woman, then that’s all you will see; but you’ll be missing out.